Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
