I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
