Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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