I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want to make out with him forever
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
