Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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