I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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