Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
