I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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