So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
