chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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