Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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