Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm like, not good at living.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
