Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
