I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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