its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Shame - the story of my life.
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