Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
