Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
