I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
