i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
