I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
