the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
