What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
