I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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