dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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