I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
