paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
