Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
