Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
