Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
