I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize