At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
