Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
