If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
