Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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