plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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