Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
