It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
