Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
