Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
