Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
