whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
