Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
