Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
