Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
