You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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