life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
