you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
