dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
