what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
