1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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