he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
