and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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