Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
