Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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