Who did Billy Mays play for?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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