I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
