Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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