sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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