Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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