We're facebook friends in real life
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
