life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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