so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
