I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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