apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
