Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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