My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
