I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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