I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
