i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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