TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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