All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
