Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
