thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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