Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
