facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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