totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
