totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
