I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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