We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
