I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
