im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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