I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
